


Is This Your Stripper?

by sincerelyheartless



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Basically, Crack, Crack Fic, I repeat, M/M, One Shot, Read at Your Own Risk, a quick thing i wrote with barely any thought, i finally fixed all the stupid mistakes that were littered in the fic, its still bad, jaeyhun is the most beautiful human being in the world, johnnys just A BIT drunk, quick fic, taeyong is wasted, ten likes to call strippers i guess, theres like a good amount of swearing?, theres probably more mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 12:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20546015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyheartless/pseuds/sincerelyheartless
Summary: “Ten! I told you not to call a fucking stripper! I’m not going through this shit again!”"What?"Johnny mistakes Jaehyun for a stripper lmao





	Is This Your Stripper?

Johnny should have known the night would have ended like this when he had invited Taeyong to his party. Johnny looked down at his friend currently vomiting into the toilet, making some horrible fucking noises that made Johnny nearly puke himself. He sighed, cursing himself for thinking Taeyong would control how much he would drink as Johnny had asked. Johnny didn’t understand how Taeyong did this all the time; drinking to the point he puked for hours. Taeyong, bless him and his beautiful heart, despite being the nicest person Johnny had ever known was a rowdy motherfucker who was such a huge lightweight, yet drank drink after drink after drink at every party. He was a weird little shit, but apparently the experience pleased Taeyong, who kept this up. 

Johnny couldn’t do much while Taeyong puked other than watch the blond to make sure he wouldn’t choke or something. He stood by, leaning against the sink countertop, looking down at the younger. He watched as Taeyong let out one last disgusting retch, before leaning back, groaning as he leaned against the wall behind him. 

“Feel better?” Johnny scoffed, looking down at him with an amused smile.

Taeyong pouted, curling in on himself, still drunk as fuck. He mumbled into his knee, where his face was currently squished onto. Johnny could vaguely hear what the younger was trying to say, only hearing a few syllables. Johnny leaned down beside Taeyong, lowering his face close to the younger who was still mumbling the same word. 

“Jaehyunnie.”

Johnny raised his eyebrows as he finally understood what Taeyong had been saying. Why was he calling for his roommate? Jaehyun, as far as Johnny knew, was Taeyong’s old friend, who had in the last few months, become his roommate as well. Johnny didn’t know why Taeyong would need Jaehyun for in this situation. Johnny was already here helping him, wasn’t he? _ The ungrateful brat. _

“You want me to call Jaehyun-ah?” Johnny asked him, lowkey exasperated. 

“Jaehyunnie,” Taeyong nodded, his eyes closed. 

Johnny huffed, “Alright.”

Johnny fished Taeyong’s phone out of his back pocket after a good amount of struggling with the drunk boy. Johnny scrolled through Taeyong’s contacts until he found ‘favourite dongsaeng Jaehyunnie’ (damn was Donghyuck gonna be upset about that). 

**Best Hyung**

Hey this is Johnny

**Best Hyung**

Johnny Seo

Taeyong’s friend

**Best Hyung**

Yongie’s drunk as hell and well he’s been asking for you so if you could like come to pick him up i guess thatd be great

**favourite dongsaeng Jaehyunnie**

I know who you are, hyung

and sure of course

could you just tell me your address ill be there soon

Johnny bit his lip as he held up Taeyong who had started to fall asleep, falling against Johnny. Trying to text Jaehyun his address while trying to hold a drunk, sleepy Taeyong was harder than it sounded. He cheered as he succeeded in sending the younger boy the address and getting a response telling him he would be there in 20 minutes. Johnny relaxed against the wall, moving a pliant Taeyong in a more comfortable position on Johnny’s shoulder. 

When Johnny heard a knock on his door 10 minutes later, not once did it cross his mind that it was Jaehyun at the door. Yeah, Johnny was a bit drunk himself, but Jaehyun had said 20 minutes, hadn’t he?

Johnny gaped at the sight on the other side of his door. A guy that Johnny could only describe as _ the hottest, most beautiful, ethereal person he had ever seen _ stood there, looking at him expectantly. However, Johnny came to a sudden realization, starting to shake his head.

“Oh… uh, no,” Johnny muttered, smacking a hand to his forehead, making the boy tilt his head. “Fuck.”

Johnny couldn’t believe Ten. Johnny had explicitly told him not to do this, not after last time. 

“Ten!” Johnny shouted angrily into his apartment, facing away from the boy now. “I told you not to call a fucking stripper! I’m not going through this shit again!”

Johnny heard a low, “what?” echo from both the living room and from the boy in the doorway before hearing Ten rush to the entrance. 

“There’s a stripper?” Ten called on the way, before coming to an abrupt stop at the view of the _ really hot and beautiful _stripper standing at the door.

Johnny stood in confusion as Ten gaped at the boy in the doorway as he had, before bursting out in laughter. 

“What? Ten!” Johnny sputtered, staring at his dying friend. 

“Hyung that’s,” Ten choked in laughter, “that’s not a fucking stripper. That’s Jaehyun!”

Johnny swung around to face said boy, eyes widened in surprise. “Oh! My god!” He exclaimed, bowing his head in shame. “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun-ah. Sorry. Fuck.”

Johnny groaned, hiding his face into his hands. God that was so fucking embarrassing! Johnny looked up at the younger to see him _ thank(fucking)fully _smiling at him. 

“It’s alright, Johnny Hyung,” Jaehyun told him calmly, clearly finding it as amusing as Ten did, who still cackled in the back. 

“Fuck off, Ten,” Johnny turned around to glower at Ten, waiting until the still laughing boy retreated back into the living room before turning back to Jaehyun. “I really am sorry. I just didn’t think you'd uh- _ fuck this is gonna sound bad _ \- look like _ this _.”

Jaehyun nodded slowly, eyebrows furrowed. “Right…” He said slowly, before he shook his head, looking at Johnny. “No, uh, I’m sorry, I have no idea what that means.”

Of course, he didn’t. Johnny was being so vague right now. Why would he even say that? Why couldn't Johnny just keep his stupid mouth shut._Fuck alcohol honestly_, Johnny thought. He was acting like such a fool in front of Jaehyun, just because he happened to be the prettiest person he had ever laid his eyes on. Why couldn’t he contain himself better than this?

“I just meant, uh, like, I wasn’t expecting _ all of this _,” Johnny said, as if that were any better, gesturing to all of Jaehyun. He then gestured to Jaehyun’s face, dumbly stating out, “pretty.”

Johnny watched as Jaehyun’s face through a whole array of emotions, seeming conflicted, before he settled on amused and flustered, laughing as a flush appeared on his cheeks.

“Thank you, Hyung,” Jaehyung said delicately, letting out a breathy laugh looking down, shy. 

“Yeah…” Johnny replied, too awestruck by how adorably pretty Jaehyun was when he blushed and how cute his dimples were to reply to him properly. 

They stayed silent for a few moments as Johnny stared at the pretty boy standing in front of him (he was still blaming all of this on the alcohol although there was no doubt he’d act the same if he was sober), as Jaehyun clearly waited until he was less flustered to keep the conversation with Johnny. 

“Uh, Taeyong Hyung?” Jaehyun asked after a while, a pink hue still present on his cheeks. 

_ Shit! _Johnny had completely forgotten about Taeyong! (He knew how bad that sounded but give Johnny a break!)

“Shit, right! Come in,” Johnny rushed awkwardly, leading him to the bathroom.

Jaehyun raised his eyebrows at the sight of his Hyung sitting on Johnny’s bathroom floor, leaning against the wall, perfectly bundled in a blanket as he slept. 

“Yongie,” Johnny whispered quietly, kneeling beside the drunk boy. “Jaehyun-ah is here.”

Taeyong shifted, his eyes blinking open, before finally setting his eyes on his _precious__ dongsaeng_. 

“My _baby_,” Taeyong started sobbing, surprising both Johnny and Jaehyun alike. 

“Uh, hi, Hyung,” Jaehyun soothed, kneeling beside Johnny to console Taeyong, sharing concerned glances with the taller boy.

“Jaehyunnie~” Taeyong sang sending the boy a drunk smile, barely able to keep his eyes open. “My cute little dongsaeng, my _baby_. Come here, Hyung wants to cuddle you.”

Jaehyun pet Taeyong’s hair, restricting the elder’s movements. He was drunkenly flailing, presumably trying to reach Jaehyun to squeeze him out of love, while also being tangled up in the blanket Johnny had put over him. He sighed, looking at Johnny, clearly desperate for some help from the older. 

“Yongie, I don’t think Jaehyunnie would be comfortable cuddling on the floor,” Johnny told Taeyong, who tried to protest, but Johnny continued before he could. “Maybe if you let Jaehyunnie take you home, you can cuddle _ all night long _ in a comfortable _ bed _. How does that sound?”

Thankfully, there was no more resistance from the boy, who nodded, winding his arms around Johnny’s neck, who had been kneeling beside Jaehyun. He rolled his eyes; Taeyong probably thought he was hugging Jaehyun. 

“I’ll carry him to your car,” Johnny told Jaehyun quietly, getting up, Taeyong snuggled comfortably in his arms. Jaehyun agreed and they both headed out but not before Johnny pointed to a bag nearby.

“Uh, I packed some things for him. Just in case.”

Jaehyun took the bag, seeing as Johnny’s hands were full with Taeyong. He peeked inside as Johnny opened the door of the apartment and headed down the hallway to the elevator. Inside was a plastic bag, presumably in case Taeyong got sick on the way, a bottle of water, a Ziploc with two pills and saltine crackers. Wow, Johnny had been pretty prepared, Jaehyun was impressed. 

The ride down and to Jaehyun’s car was silent, save for Taeyong’s mumbling. Taeyong was quickly settled in the backseat to lie down. 

“Thanks for the help, Hyung,” Jaehyun thanked Johnny. 

“Thanks for coming to get him,” Johnny laughed briefly in reply, aware how awkward this was. “Have a safe ride back.”

Johnny really wished he could compute better right now. Jaehyun was pretty and kind and Johnny was absolutely blowing it with his first impression on the younger. 

“Thanks,” Jaehyun muttered, smiling gently before opening the door to the driver side.

Johnny felt his heart beat fast at the shy exchange they’d had. Jaehyun _ was _ really cute like Taeyong had told him. Jaehyun was cute, and beautiful and handsome and god, Johnny was somehow already infatuated. 

“Jaehyun?” Johnny called out before he could stop himself. 

“Yeah?” The boy asked, turning back to face Johnny.

“Text me when you get home?” Johnny breathed out.

Johnny hoped he had expressed that the boy didn’t _ need _ to do this, but just that Johnny hoped he would. Because despite just meeting the younger, Johnny really wanted Jaehyun to text him that he had gotten home safe. And Taeyong, too. Obviously. 

“Okay, Hyung.” Jaehyun smiled, dimples clear and deep, blowing Johnny away at how breathtaking he was. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jaehyunnie.”

~

**Unknown number**

Taeyong hyung and I are home

Thankfully he didn’t wake up, so no puking was done in my car

**Unknown number**

This is Jaehyun btw

I think that mightve been obvious lol

So… yeah

**Johnny**

Im glad you’re home

**Johnny**

And taeyong too, of course

Let me know how he is in the morning

If you need help, let me know!

**Jaehyunnie**

Of course, hyung. Goodnight :)

**Johnny**

Goodnight, Jaehyun

:))))

~

Johnny woke up from the intense vibrations coming from his phone. He groaned at the slight headache he had, trying his best to ignore it in favour of searching for his phone. He frowned seeing it was barely nine in the morning, yet Taeyong was calling him. 

“Hello?” Johnny mumbled into the phone. 

“You called Jaehyun a _ prostitute _?!” Taeyong yelled at him in horror. 

“What? No!” Johnny scrambled in a sitting position. “I _ thought _ he was a _ stripper _ that Ten had called!”

“Johnny Seo, you don’t just call anyone who comes to your door a _ stripper _!”

“I _ know_,” Johnny whined. “It’s not my fault! You _know _ Ten has done this before! Besides, Jaehyun’s like insanely hot, so I didn’t know!”

“You did not just call him hot in my face!” Taeyong gasped in overexaggerated horror. “That’s my _ son _”

“This is a phone call. And yes, he’s hot! And beautiful and handsome and literally the prettiest person I've ever seen in my life! Stop acting as if I’m one of those guys, Taeyong.”

“Pffft,” Taeyong said into the phone, and Johnny knew he had proved his point, before sighing. “You’re right, sorry. I know you’re not like that, Johnny. I just get protective over Jaehyun, you know?”

“Yeah, Yongie, I know, he’s your_baby _ ,” Johnny said. ““Oh my_baby _! Come cuddle your Hyung! I love you so much!””

Johnny cackled into the phone, recalling how ridiculous Taeyong had looked last night, calling for his dongsaeng. 

“_Shut up _!” Taeyong whined.

“That is exactly how you sounded, Hyung.” Jaehyun’s clear voice made Johnny freeze.

“Taeyong?” Johnny asked, receiving a “hm?” from the other. “Has this been on speaker phone the whole time?”

“Oh yeah,” Taeyong replied, sounding smug. 

Johnny groaned in embarrassment. Couldn’t he had said something_before _ Johnny had raved at how attractive Jaehyun was?

“Hi, Johnny Hyung,” Jaehyung said and even through the phone, Johnny could tell the other was smiling widely, and just the thought of his beautiful smile had Johnny’s heart beating faster.

“Hi, Jaehyunnie,” Johnny replied.

“You know, Hyung, you’re not so bad yourself…” Jaehyun teased before Johnny heard Taeyong screech in protest.

“Nope! You are _ not _ doing this in front of me!” Taeyong complained.

Johnny and Jaehyun laughed at Taeyong’s whines. 

“Call me then, Hyung?” Jaehyun asked Johnny.

Johnny smiled. “Of course.”

“_What_?” Taeyong screamed. “How do you have his number?”

“Have a good day, Yongie!” Johnny called before hanging up, laughing as Taeyong’s yells of horror were cut off. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the weird crack fic this was lmao
> 
> thanks for reading!! comments are appreciated xx


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